Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
