before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
