Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
