hotel room ftw
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
