Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
