I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
