Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
