i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Success! We fucked roommates!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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