Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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