Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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