Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
