i just wanna soil my oats bro
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
