Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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