That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
