I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Everything about him screamed your future.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
