mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
