why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
