Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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