is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I've blown a few things in my day
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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