his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
