Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
