Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
