We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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