Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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