After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
