my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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