I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
