i can't believe i had my finger in that
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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