Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
