stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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