Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
