She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
