Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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