You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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