hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
