Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
