okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
