I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
