He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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