apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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