Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
