I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
