Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
