If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
