It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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