you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
