We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
