omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
