as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
