dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
