It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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