Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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